How to make...
How to Refresh Your
Brain--in 10 Minutes
When you go from one
task to the next--all day long--your mind constantly races to catch up. Hit the
reset button with this underrated trick.
Getty
Andy Puddicombe is a
former Buddhist monk and co-founder of Headspace, an entrepreneurial venture designed
to demystify meditation and make it easily accessible to all audiences. In a recent TED talk, Puddicombe promotes an idea that
almost sounds too easy to be true: refresh your mind in just 10 minutes a day
and you might be happier at work.
Puddicombe seeks to
provide “meditation for the modern world,” eliminating stereotypes of incense
and cross-legged monks. And he might just be on to something. Here are two
problems that plague modern-day workers--and how Headspace’s bite-sized
meditation plan can help.
Problem
#1: Inability to Focus
“The average office
worker changes windows [on her computer] 37 times an hour,” Headspace’s head of
research Nick Begley says in a meditation tutorial.
According to Begley,
when your mind changes gears that rapidly, part of your brain is still engaged
in the previous task and you don’t have all of the attention and resources
necessary to concentrate on the current task. This slows down productivity and
reduces your ability to filter relevant information from irrelevant
information.
Problem
#2: Stress
When people get
stressed, there is a part of the brain called the amygdala that fires up the
“fight or flight” part of the nervous system that helps you make quick,
impulsive decisions.
“It signals to our
hormonal system to secrete adrenaline and cortisol and increases our heart
rate, respiration, and blood pressure, so we can escape this immediate physical
danger,” says Begley.
The problem arises
when there is no immediate physical danger--when, say, you’ve forgotten to hit
“save” on an important document and your computer crashes, or you arrive
unprepared for an important business meeting. The “fight or flight” impulse is
not actually helpful in those situations and merely puts undue stress on the
body, Begley explains.
The
Solution
Refreshing your brain
is easier than you think. Here's the first and only step: Do nothing.
Puddicombe recommends
simply setting aside 10 minutes each day to quiet your mind. Practice observing
thoughts and anxieties without passing judgment--simply experience them. Focus
on the present moment and nothing else.
“We can’t change
every little thing that happens to us,” he acknowledges, “but we can change how
we experience it.”
12 Great Motivational
Quotes for 2013
This set of
inspirational thoughts for the new year will galvanize you into action.
At the start of every
year, I create a list of quotes to guide and inspire me for the next 12 months.
Here are the quotes I've selected for 2013:
1.
"Cherish your visions and your
dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."
Napoleon Hill
Napoleon Hill
2.
"The key to success is to focus
our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear."
Brian Tracy
Brian Tracy
3.
"Success is getting what you want.
Happiness is wanting what you get."
Dale Carnegie
Dale Carnegie
4.
"Obstacles are necessary for success
because in selling, as in all careers of importance, victory comes only after
many struggles and countless defeats."
Og Mandino
Og Mandino
5.
"A real decision is measured by
the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't
truly decided."
Tony Robbins
Tony Robbins
6.
"If you can't control your anger,
you are as helpless as a city without walls waiting to be attacked."
The Book of Proverbs
The Book of Proverbs
7.
A mediocre person tells. A good person
explains. A superior person demonstrates. A great person inspires others to see
for themselves."
Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay
8.
"Freedom, privileges, options,
must constantly be exercised, even at the risk of inconvenience."
Jack Vance
Jack Vance
9.
"Take care of your body. It's the
only place you have to live."
Jim Rohn
Jim Rohn
10.
"You can have everything in life
you want, if you will just help other people get what they want."
Zig Ziglar
Zig Ziglar
11.
"The number of times I succeed is
in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep on
trying."
Tom Hopkins
Tom Hopkins
12.
"You have everything you need to
build something far bigger than yourself."
Seth Godi
Seth Godi
14. Nov 7, 2012
15.
8 Things Remarkably Successful People Do
16.
The most successful people in business
work differently. See what they do--and why it works.
17.
18.
Getty
19.
24.
I'm fortunate to know a number of
remarkably successful people. I've described how these people share a set of specific
perspectives and beliefs.
25.
They also share a number of habits:
26.
1. They don't create
back-up plans.
27.
Back-up plans can help you sleep easier
at night. Back-up plans can also create an easy out when times get tough.
28.
You'll work a lot harder and a lot
longer if your primary plan simply has to work because there is no other
option. Total commitment--without a safety net--will spur you to work harder
than you ever imagined possible.
29.
If somehow the worst does happen (and
the "worst" is never as bad as you think) trust that you will find a
way to rebound. As long as you keep working hard and keep learning from your
mistakes, you always will.
30.
2. They do the
work...
31.
You can be good with a little effort.
You can be really good with a little more effort.
32.
But you can't be great--at
anything--unless you put in an incredible amount of focused effort.
33.
Scratch the surface of any person with
rare skills and you'll find a person who has put thousands of hours of effort
into developing those skills.
34.
There are no shortcuts. There are no
overnight successes. Everyone has heard about the 10,000 hours principle but no
one follows it... except remarkably successful people.
35.
So start doing the work now. Time is
wasting.
36.
3. ...and they
work a lot more.
37.
Forget the Sheryl Sandberg "I leave every
day at 5:30" stories. I'm sure she does. But she's not you.
38.
Every extremely successful entrepreneur
I know (personally) works more hours than the average person--a lot more. They have long lists of things they want to get
done. So they have to put in lots of time.
39.
Better yet, they want to put in lots of time.
40.
If you don't embrace a workload others
would consider crazy then your goal doesn't mean that much to you--or it's not
particularly difficult to achieve. Either way you won't be remarkably
successful.
41.
4. They avoid the
crowds.
42.
Conventional wisdom yields conventional
results. Joining the crowd--no matter how trendy the crowd or "hot"
the opportunity--is a recipe for mediocrity.
43.
Remarkably successful people habitually
do what other people won't do. They go where others won't go because there's a
lot less competition and a much greater chance for success.
44.
5. They start at the
end...
45.
Average success is often based on
setting average goals.
46.
Decide what you really want: to be the
best, the fastest, the cheapest, the biggest, whatever. Aim for the ultimate.
Decide where you want to end up. That is your goal.
47.
Then you can work backwards and lay out
every step along the way.
48.
Never start small where goals are
concerned. You'll make better decisions--and find it much easier to work a lot
harder--when your ultimate goal is ultimate success.
49.
6. ... and they don't
stop there.
50.
Achieving a goal--no matter how
huge--isn't the finish line for highly successful people. Achieving one huge
goal just creates a launching pad for achieving another huge goal.
51.
Maybe you want to create a $100 million
business; once you do you can leverage your contacts and influence to create a
charitable foundation for a cause you believe in. Then your business and
humanitarian success can create a platform for speaking, writing, and thought
leadership. Then...
52.
The process of becoming remarkably
successful in one field will give you the skills and network to be remarkably
successful in many other fields.
53.
Remarkably successful people don't try
to win just one race. They expect and plan to win a number of subsequent races.
54.
7. They sell.
55.
I once asked a number of business
owners and CEOs to name the one skill they felt contributed the most to their
success. Each said the ability to sell.
56.
Keep in mind selling isn't
manipulating, pressuring, or cajoling. Selling is explaining the logic and
benefits of a decision or position. Selling is convincing other people to work
with you. Selling is overcoming objections and roadblocks.
57.
Selling is the foundation of business
and personal success: knowing how to negotiate, to deal with "no," to
maintain confidence and self-esteem in the face of rejection, to communicate
effectively with a wide range of people, to build long-term relationships...
58.
When you truly believe in your idea, or
your company, or yourself then you don't need to have a huge ego or a huge
personality. You don't need to "sell."
59.
You just need to communicate.
60.
8. They are never too
proud.
61.
To admit they made a mistake. To say
they are sorry. To have big dreams. To admit they owe their success to others.
To poke fun at themselves. To ask for help.
62.
To fail.
63.
And to try again.
10 Things Extraordinary
People Say Every Day
They're small things,
but each has the power to dramatically change someone's day. Including yours.
Getty
Want to make a huge
difference in someone's life? Here are things you should say every day to your
employees, colleagues, family members, friends, and everyone you care about:
"Here's
what I'm thinking."
You're in charge, but
that doesn't mean you're smarter, savvier, or more insightful than everyone
else. Back up your statements and decisions. Give reasons. Justify with logic,
not with position or authority.
Though taking the
time to explain your decisions opens those decisions up to discussion or
criticism, it also opens up your decisions to improvement.
Authority can make
you "right," but collaboration makes everyone right--and makes
everyone pull together.
"I
was wrong."
I once came up with
what I thought was an awesome plan to improve overall productivity by moving a
crew to a different shift on an open production line. The inconvenience to the
crew was considerable, but the payoff seemed worth it. On paper, it was
perfect.
In practice, it
wasn't.
So, a few weeks
later, I met with the crew and said, "I know you didn't think this would
work, and you were right. I was wrong. Let's move you back to your original
shift."
I felt terrible. I
felt stupid. I was sure I'd lost any respect they had for me.
It turns out I was
wrong about that, too. Later one employee said, "I didn't really know you,
but the fact you were willing to admit you were wrong told me everything I
needed to know."
When you're wrong,
say you're wrong. You won't lose respect--you'll gain it.
"That
was awesome."
No one gets enough
praise. No one. Pick someone--pick anyone--who does or did something well and
say, "Wow, that was great how you..."
And feel free to go
back in time. Saying "Earlier, I was thinking about how you handled that
employee issue last month..." can make just as positive an impact today as
it would have then. (It could even make a bigger impact, because it shows you
still remember what happened last month, and you still think about it.)
Praise is a gift that
costs the giver nothing but is priceless to the recipient. Start praising. The
people around you will love you for it--and you'll like yourself a little
better, too.
"You're
welcome."
Think about a time
you gave a gift and the recipient seemed uncomfortable or awkward. Their
reaction took away a little of the fun for you, right?
The same thing can
happen when you are thanked or complimented or praised. Don't spoil the moment
or the fun for the other person. The spotlight may make you feel uneasy or
insecure, but all you have to do is make eye contact and say, "Thank
you." Or make eye contact and say, "You're welcome. I was glad to do
it."
Don't let thanks,
congratulations, or praise be all about you. Make it about the other person,
too.
"Can
you help me?"
When you need help,
regardless of the type of help you need or the person you need it from, just
say, sincerely and humbly, "Can you help me?"
I promise you'll get help.
And in the process you'll show vulnerability, respect, and a willingness to
listen--which, by the way, are all qualities of a great leader.
And are all qualities
of a great friend.
"I'm
sorry."
We all make mistakes,
so we all have things we need to apologize for: words, actions, omissions,
failing to step up, step in, show support...
Say you're sorry.
But never follow an
apology with a disclaimer like "But I was really mad, because..." or
"But I did think you were..." or any statement that in any way places
even the smallest amount of blame back on the other person.
Say you're sorry, say
why you're sorry, and take all the blame. No less. No more.
Then you both get to
make the freshest of fresh starts.
"Can
you show me?"
Advice is temporary; knowledge
is forever. Knowing what to do helps, but knowing how or why to do it means
everything.
When you ask to be
taught or shown, several things happen: You implicitly show you respect the
person giving the advice; you show you trust his or her experience, skill, and
insight; and you get to better assess the value of the advice.
Don't just ask for
input. Ask to be taught or trained or shown.
Then you both win.
"Let
me give you a hand."
Many people see
asking for help as a sign of weakness. So, many people hesitate to ask for
help.
But everyone needs
help.
Don't just say,
"Is there anything I can help you with?" Most people will give you a
version of the reflexive "No, I'm just looking" reply to sales clerks
and say, "No, I'm all right."
Be specific. Find
something you can help with. Say "I've got a few minutes. Can I help you
finish that?" Offer in a way that feels collaborative, not patronizing or
gratuitous. Model the behavior you want your employees to display.
Then actually roll up
your sleeves and help.
"I
love you."
No, not at work, but
everywhere you mean it--and every time you feel it.
Nothing.
Sometimes the best
thing to say is nothing. If you're upset, frustrated, or angry, stay quiet. You
may think venting will make you feel better, but it never does.
That's especially
true where your employees are concerned. Results come and go, but feelings are
forever. Criticize an employee in a group setting and it will seem like he
eventually got over it, but inside, he never will.
Before you speak,
spend more time considering how employees will think and feel than you do
evaluating whether the decision makes objective sense. You can easily recover
from a mistake made because of faulty data or inaccurate projections.
You'll never recover
from the damage you inflict on an employee's self-esteem.
Be quiet until you
know exactly what to say--and exactly what affect your words will have.
Jeff Haden learned much of what he knows about business and
technology as he worked his way up in the manufacturing industry. Everything
else he picks up fromghostwriting books for
s
Oct 1, 2012
Be Happier: 10 Things to
Stop Doing Right Now
Sometimes the route
to happiness depends more on what you don't do.
Flickr Creative Commons
Happiness--in your
business life and your personal life--is often a matter of subtraction, not
addition.
Consider, for
example, what happens when you stop doing the following 10 things:
1.
Blaming.
People make mistakes.
Employees don't meet your expectations. Vendors don't deliver on time.
So you blame them for
your problems.
But you're also to
blame. Maybe you didn't provide enough training. Maybe you didn't build in
enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon.
Taking responsibility
when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn't masochistic, it's
empowering--because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time.
And when you get
better or smarter, you also get happier.
2.
Impressing.
No one likes you for
your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments.
Those are all "things." People may like your things--but that doesn't
mean they like you.
Sure, superficially
they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship
that is not based on substance is not a real relationship.
Genuine relationships
make you happier, and you'll only form genuine relationships when you stop
trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
3.
Clinging.
When you're afraid or
insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn't
particularly good for you.
An absence of fear or
insecurity isn't happiness: It's just an absence of fear or insecurity.
Holding on to what
you think you need won't make you happier; letting go so you can reach
for and try to earn what you want will.
Even if you don't
succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel
better about yourself.
4.
Interrupting.
Interrupting isn't
just rude. When you interrupt someone, what you're really saying is, "I'm
not listening to you so I can understand what you're saying; I'm listening to
you so I can decide what I want to say."
Want people to like
you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make
sure you understand what they say.
They'll love you for
it--and you'll love how that makes you feel.
5.
Whining.
Your words have
power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse,
not better.
If something is
wrong, don't waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation
better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you'll have to do
that. So why waste time? Fix it now.
Don't talk about what's
wrong. Talk about how you'll make things better, even if that conversation is
only with yourself.
And do the same with
your friends or colleagues. Don't just be the shoulder they cry on.
Friends don't let
friends whine--friends help friends make their lives better.
6.
Controlling.
Yeah, you're the
boss. Yeah, you're the titan of industry. Yeah, you're the small tail that wags
a huge dog.
Still, the only thing
you really control is you. If you find yourself trying hard to control other
people, you've decided that you, your goals, your dreams, or even just your
opinions are more important than theirs.
Plus, control is
short term at best, because it often requires force, or fear, or authority, or
some form of pressure--none of those let you feel good about yourself.
Find people who want
to go where you're going. They'll work harder, have more fun, and create better
business and personal relationships.
And all of you will
be happier.
7.
Criticizing.
Yeah, you're more
educated. Yeah, you're more experienced. Yeah, you've been around more blocks
and climbed more mountains and slayed more dragons.
That doesn't make you
smarter, or better, or more insightful.
That just makes you you: unique, matchless, one of a kind, but in the end,
just you.
Just like everyone
else--including your employees.
Everyone is
different: not better, not worse, just different. Appreciate the differences
instead of the shortcomings and you'll see people--and yourself--in a better
light.
8.
Preaching.
Criticizing has a
brother. His name is Preaching. They share the same father: Judging.
The higher you rise
and the more you accomplish, the more likely you are to think you know
everything--and to tell people everything you think you know.
When you speak with
more finality than foundation, people may hear you but they don't listen. Few
things are sadder and leave you feeling less happy.
9.
Dwelling.
The past is valuable.
Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than
done? It depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as
a chance to learn something you didn't know. When another person makes a
mistake, see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training;
it doesn't define you. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how
you will make sure that, next time, you and the people around you will know how
to make sure it goes right.
10.
Fearing.
We're all afraid: of
what might or might not happen, of what we can't change, or what we won't be
able to do, or how other people might perceive us.
So it's easier to
hesitate, to wait for the right moment, to decide we need to think a little
longer or do some more research or explore a few more alternatives.
Meanwhile days,
weeks, months, and even years pass us by.
And so do our dreams.
Don't let your fears
hold you back. Whatever you've been planning, whatever you've imagined,
whatever you've dreamed of, get started on it today.
If you want to start
a business, take the first step. If you want to change careers, take the first
step. If you want to expand or enter a new market or offer new products or
services, take the first step.
Put your fears aside
and get started. Do something. Do anything.
Otherwise, today is
gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever.
Today is the most
precious asset you own--and is the one thing you should truly fear wasting.
Mar 11, 2013
8 Promises You Should Make
Every Day
Make a difference--at
work, in your personal life, and in the lives of others. Say these vows to
yourself daily--and then follow through.
hellokayla/Flickr
You can be an
analytical, data-driven, steely-eyed businessperson all you like, but business
is ultimately about people.
That means business
is also about emotions: both yours and those of the people you interact with
every day.
Want to make a huge
difference in your life and in the lives of the people you care about, both
professionally and personally?
Say these things to
yourself every day--and then vow to follow through on the commitment you make:
I
will answer the unasked question.
Maybe they're
hesitant. Maybe they're insecure. Maybe they're shy. Whatever the reason,
people often ask a different question than the one they really want you to
answer.
One employee might
ask whether you think he should take a few business classes; what he really
wants to know is whether you see him as able to grow in your organization. He
hopes you'll say you do and he hopes you'll share the reasons why.
Your husband might
ask if you thought the woman at the party was flirting with him; what he really
wants to know is if you still think he's flirt-worthy and whether you still
find him attractive. He hopes you'll say you do and he'll love when you share
the reasons why.
Behind many questions
is an unasked question.
Pay attention so you
can answer that question, too, because that is the answer the other person
doesn't just want, but needs.
I
will refuse to wait.
You don't have to
wait to be discovered. You don't have to wait for an okay. You don't have to
wait for someone else to help you.
You can try to do
whatever you want to do. Right now.
You may not succeed.
But you don't have to wait.
Don't wait.
I
will appreciate the unappreciated.
Some jobs require
more effort than skill. Bagging groceries, delivering packages, checking out
customers--the tasks are relatively easy. The difference is in the effort.
Do more than say
"thanks" to someone who does a thankless job. Smile. Make eye
contact. Exchange a kind word.
All around you are
people who work hard with little or no recognition. Vow to be the person who
recognizes at least one of them every day.
Not only will you
give respect, you'll earn the best kind of respect--the respect that comes from
making a difference, however fleeting, in another person's life.
I
will give latitude instead of direction.
You're in charge. You
know what to do. So it's natural to tell your employees what to do and how to do it.
In the process you
stifle their creativity and discount their skills and experience.
Letting another person
decide how is the best way to show you respect their abilities
and trust their judgment.
In a command and
control world, latitude is a breath of freedom and is a gift anyone can give.
I
will stop and smell my roses.
You have big plans.
You have big goals. You're never satisfied, because satisfaction breeds
complacency.
So most of the time
you're unhappy because you think more about what you have notachieved, have not done, and do not have.
Take a moment and
think about what you do have, professionally and especially personally. At
this moment you have more than you once ever thought possible.
Sure, always strive
for more but always take a moment to realize that all the things you have,
especially your relationships, are more important than anything you want to
have.
Unlike a want, what
you have isn't a hope, a wish, or a dream. What you already have is real.
And it's awesome. And
it's yours.
Appreciate it.
I
will look below the surface.
Sometimes people make
mistakes. Sometimes they piss you off.
When that happens
it's natural to assume they didn't listen or didn't care. But often there's a
deeper reason. They may feel stifled. They may feel they have no control. They
may feel frustrated or marginalized or ignored or not cared for.
If you're in charge,
whether at work or at home, you may need to deal with the mistake. But then
look past the action for the underlying issues.
Anyone can dole out
discipline; vow to provide understanding, empathy, and to help another person
deal with the larger issue that resulted in the mistake.
After all, you might
have caused the issue.
I
will make love a verb.
You love your work.
When you're working that feeling shows in everything you say and do.
You love your family.
When you're with them does that feeling show in everything you say and do?
Hmm.
Love is a feeling,
and feelings are often selfish. Turn your feelings into an action. Actively
love the people you love. Show them you love them by words and deeds.
When you make love a
verb the people you care about know exactly how you feel. Make sure they do.
I
will be myself.
You worry about what
other people think. Yet no matter how hard you try, you can't be all things to
all people.
But you can be as
many things as possible to the people you love.
And you can be the
best you.
Be yourself. That is
the one thing you can do better than anyone else.
6 Habits of Remarkably
Likable People
They're charming.
They're genuine. And they can make an entire room full of people smile.
When you meet
someone, after, "What do you do?" you're out of things to say. You
suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you're a
little shy and a little insecure.
But you want to make
a good impression. You want people to genuinely like you.
Here's how remarkably
likeable people do it:
They
lose the power pose.
I know: Your parents
taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward,
drop your voice a couple of registers, and shake hands with a firm grip.
It's great to display
nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to
establish your importance. That makes the "meeting" seem like it's
more about you than it is the other person--and no one likes that.
No matter how big a
deal you are you pale in comparison to say, oh, Nelson Mandela. So take a cue
from him. Watch how he greets Bill Clinton,
no slouch at this either.
Clinton takes a step
forward (avoiding the "you must come to me" power move); Mandela
steps forward with a smile and bends slightly forward as if, ever so slightly,
to bow (a clear sign of deference and respect in nearly every culture); Clinton
does the same. What you have are two important people who put aside all sense
of self-importance or status. They're genuine.
Next time you meet
someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and
show that you're the one who is honored by the introduction--not them.
We all like people
who like us. If I show you I'm genuinely happy to meet you, you'll instantly
start to like me. (And you'll show that you do, which will help calm my nerves
and let me be myself.)
They
embrace the power of touch.
Nonsexual touch can
be very powerful. (Yes, I'm aware that sexual touch can be powerful too.) Touch
can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person
doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.
Go easy, of course:
Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and
nonthreatening.
Check out Clinton's
right-hand-shakes-hands-left-hand-touches-Mandela's-forearm-a-second-later
handshake in the link above and tell me, combined with his posture and smile,
that it doesn't come across as genuine and sincere.
Think the same won't
work for you? Try this: The next time you walk up behind a person you know,
touch them lightly on the shoulder as you go by. I guarantee you'll feel like a
more genuine greeting was exchanged.
Touch breaks down
natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and
the other person--a key component in liking and in being liked.
They
whip out their social jiu-jitsu.
You meet someone. You
talk for 15 minutes. You walk away thinking, "Wow, we just had a great
conversation. She is awesome."
Then, when you think
about it later, you realize you didn't learn a thing about the other person.
Remarkably likeable
people are masters at Social Jiu-Jitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk
about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJJ masters are fascinated
by every step you took in creating a particularly clever pivot table, by every
decision you made when you transformed a 200-slide PowerPoint into a TED
Talk-worthy presentation, if you do say so yourself...
SJJ masters use their
interest, their politeness, and their social graces to cast an immediate spell
on you.
And you like them for
it.
Social jiu-jitsu is
easy. Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended and allow room for
description and introspection. Ask how, or why, or who.
As soon as you learn
a little about someone, ask how they did it. Or why they did it. Or what they
liked about it, or what they learned from it, or what you should do if you're
in a similar situation.
No one gets too much
recognition. Asking the right questions implicitly shows you respect another
person's opinion--and, by extension, the person.
We all like people
who respect us, if only because it shows they display great judgment.
(Kidding. Sort of.)
They
whip out something genuine.
Everyone is better
than you at something. (Yes, that's true even for you.) Let them be better than you.
Too many people when
they first meet engage in some form of penis-measuring contest. Crude reference
but one that instantly calls to mind a time you saw two alpha male
master-of-the business-universe types whip out their figurative rulers. (Notliterally, of
course. I hope you haven't seen that.)
Don't try to win the
"getting to know someone" competition. Try to lose. Be complimentary. Be impressed. Admit a failing
or a weakness.
You don't have to
disclose your darkest secrets. If the other person says, "We just
purchased a larger facility," say, "That's awesome. I have to admit
I'm jealous. We've wanted to move for a couple years but haven't been able to
put together the financing. How did you pull it off?"
Don't be afraid to
show a little vulnerability. People may be (momentarily) impressed by the
artificial, but people sincerely like the genuine.
Be the real you.
People will like the real you.
They
ask for nothing.
You know the moment:
You're having a great conversation, you're finding things in common... and then
bam! Someone plays the networking card.
And everything about
your interaction changes.
Put away the
hard-charging, goal-oriented, always-on kinda persona. If you have to ask for
something, find a way to help the other person, then ask if you can.
Remarkably likeable
people focus on what they can do for you--not for themselves.
They
"close" genuinely.
"Nice to meet
you," you say, nodding once as you part. That's the standard move, one
that is instantly forgettable.
Instead go back to
the beginning. Shake hands again. Use your free hand to gently touch the other
person's forearm or shoulder. Say, "I am really glad I met you." Or
say, "You know, I really enjoyed talking with you." Smile: Not that insincere
salesperson smile that goes with, "Have a nice day!" but a genuine,
appreciative smile.
Making a great first
impression is important, but so is making a great last impression.
And
they accept it isn't easy.
All this sounds
simple, right? It is. But it's not easy, especially if you're shy. The
standard, power pose, "Hello, how are you, good to meet you, good seeing
you," shuffle feels a lot safer.
But it won't make
people like you.
So accept it's hard.
Accept that being a little more deferential, a little more genuine, a little
more complimentary and a little more vulnerable means putting yourself out
there. Accept that at first it will feel risky.
But don't worry: When
you help people feel a little better about themselves--which is reason
enough--they'll like you for it.
And you'll like
yourself a little more, too.
Mar 4, 2013
How to Have a Meaningful
Conversation
Here are
four simple ways to ensure that every business conversation is productive.
svenwerk/Flickr
Everybody knows how to have a
conversation because they've been having them since they were toddlers.
However, most people develop bad habits that almost guarantee that their
business conversations will sometimes be meaningless wastes of time.
Here's a simple four step process
for making certain that every work conversation that you have is both
meaningful and worth having.
1. Know WHY you're having the
conversation.
Every conversation must have a
point, or there's no point in having it. With friends and family, the
"point" is often to simply enjoy each other's company. You already
know how to do that. Hey, relax and have fun.
In business, though, there's always an agenda to every conversation, even if it seems as if
the conversation is only to "get to know" you better (or vice-versa),
until such time as your co-worker becomes a friend or a family member.
Therefore, whenever you start a
conversation with a co-worker (and this includes customers, bosses, colleagues,
and the guy who empties the trash), have an explicit goal in mind. That way
you're less likely to waste time and energy.
Similarly, if somebody opens a
conversation with you, it's worthwhile to wonder why the conversation is
happening and why now. It's not worth obsessing about, but if you've got a
sense of the "why" it's easier to get "where" the
conversation needs to go.
2. Ignore your "monkey
mind."
The ancient Chinese believed
everyone has a "monkey mind" that jumps from thought to thought, like
so:
- What
is she thinking about me?
- Will
I make a sale?
- What
if I can't pay the mortgage?
- Gosh,
that wallpaper is ugly.
- I've
got to get the airport in two hours.
- Etc.,
etc., etc.
This constant mental noise pulls
your attention away from the customer and towards your own perspectives,
priorities and goals.
If you listen to your "monkey
mind," you'll only hear a percentage of what the other person is saying.
In all likelihood, you'll misunderstand and misremember what was said.
3. Acknowledge what you've heard.
When the other person has finished
speaking, re-describe, and characterize what the other person just said. This
confirms that you were really listening to the other person, rather than your
internal dialog ("monkey mind").
It also prevents you from continuing
the conversation based upon a misunderstanding. The restatement gives the
other person an opportunity to correct your perception or elaborate as
necessary to make sure that you "get it."
4. Think and then respond.
Pause a moment to consider what you
heard and have echoed back. Respond with a statement, story, or question that
adds to the conversation and moves it closer to its point and purpose.
Having this kind of conversation is
both difficult and easy. It's difficult because some people's "monkey
minds" are the size of King Kong and chatter so loudly that they can't
hear anything else.
However, once you've learned to
ignore the chatter, this way of listening, reflecting, and talking quickly
becomes second nature. And that's the easy part.
Mar 4, 2013
14 Revealing Interview
Questions
Smart entrepreneurs
from a variety of industries share the interview questions that tell them
everything they need to know about a candidate.
el_floz/Flickr
Interview questions:
Everyone has them.
And everyone wishes
they had better ones.
So I asked smart
people from a variety of fields for their favorite interview question and, more
importantly, why it's their favorite and what it tells them about the
candidate.
1. If we're sitting here a year from now
celebrating what a great year it's been for you in this role, what did we
achieve together?
"For me, the
most important thing about interviews is that the interviewee interviewsus.
I need to know they've done their homework, truly understand our company and
the role... and really want it.
"The candidate
should have enough strategic vision to not only talk about how good the year
has been but to answer with an eye towards that bigger-picture understanding of
the company--and why they want to be here."
2. When have you been most satisfied in your life?
"Except with
entry-level candidates, I presume reasonable job skill and intellect.
Plus I believe smart people with relevant experience adapt quickly and excel in
new environments where the culture fits and inspires them.
"So, I
concentrate on character and how well theirs matches that of my organization.
"This question
opens the door for a different kind of conversation where I push to see the
match between life in my company and what this person needs to be their best
and better in my company than he or she could be anywhere else."
3. If you got hired, loved everything about this
job, and are paid the salary you asked for, what kind of offer from another
company would you consider?
"I like to find
out how much the candidate is driven by money versus working at a place they
love.
"Can they be
bought?
"You'd be
surprised by some of the answers."
4. Who is your role model, and why?
"The question
can reveal how introspective the candidate is about their own personal and
professional development, which is a quality I have found to be highly
correlated with success and ambition.
"Plus it can
show what attributes and behaviors the candidate aspires to."
5. What things do you not like to do?
"We tend to
assume people who have held a role enjoy all aspects of that role, but I've
found that is seldom the case.
"Getting an
honest answer to the question requires persistence, though. I usually have to
ask it a few times in different ways, but the answers are always worth the
effort. For instance, I interviewed a sales candidate who said she didn't enjoy
meeting new people.
"My favorite was
the finance candidate who told me he hated dealing with mundane details and
checking his work. Next!"
6. Tell me about a project or accomplishment that
you consider to be the most significant in your career.
"I find that
this question opens the door to further questions and enables someone to
highlight themselves in a specific, non-generic way.
"Plus additional
questions can easily follow: What position did you hold when you achieved this
accomplishment? How did it impact your growth at the company? Who else was
involved and how did the accomplishment impact your team?
"Discussing a
single accomplishment is an easy way to open doors to additional information
and insight about the person, their work habits, and how they work with
others."
7. Tell me how...
"I don't have
one favorite question because I believe a great interview takes on a life of
its own, becoming more of a conversation than a formal process.
"Ultimately
we're looking for people who are motivated, disciplined, good spirited,
possessing skills and passion, so I ask indirect questions about the creative
process, about articulating and demystifying the process of creating great food
and great service.
"Then I trust my
instincts. Reading the eyes of the candidate is a final test I've come to rely
on--because the eyes never lie."
8. What's your superpower, or what's your spirit
animal?
"During her
interview I asked my current executive assistant what was her favorite animal.
She told me it was a duck, because ducks are calm on the surface and hustling
like crazy getting things done under the surface.
"I think this
was an amazing response and a perfect description for the role of an EA. For
the record, she's been working with us for over a year now and is amazing at
her job."
9. Why have you had x amount of jobs in y years?
"This question
helps me get a full picture of the candidate's work history. What keeps them
motivated? Why, if they have, did they jump from job to job? And what is the
key factor when they leave?
"The answer
shows me their loyalty and their reasoning process. Do they believe someone
always keeps them down (managers, bosses, etc.)? Do they get bored easily?
"There is
nothing inherently wrong with moving from job to job--the reasons why are what
matters."
10. We're constantly making things better, faster,
smarter or less expensive. We leverage technology or improve processes. In
other words, we strive to do more--with less. Tell me about a recent project or
problem that you made better, faster, smarter, more efficient, or less
expensive.
"Good candidates
will have lots of answers to this question. Great candidates will get excited
as they share their answers.
"In 13 years
we've only passed along one price increase to our customers. That's not because
our costs have decreased--quite the contrary. We've been able to maintain our
prices because we've gotten better at what we do. Our team, at every level, has
their ears to the ground looking for problems to solve.
"Every new
employee needs to do that, too."
11. Discuss a specific accomplishment you've
achieved in a previous position that indicates you will thrive in this position.
"Past
performance is usually the best indicator of future success.
"If the
candidate can't point to a prior accomplishment, they are unlikely to be able
to accomplish much at our organization--or yours."
12. So, (insert name), what's your story?
"This inane
question immediately puts an interviewee on the defensive because there is no
right answer or wrong answer. But there is an answer.
"It's a question
that asks for a creative response. It's an invitation to the candidate to play
the game and see where it goes without worrying about the right answer. By
playing along, it tells me a lot about the character, imagination, and
inventiveness of the person.
"The question,
as obtuse as it might sound to the interviewee, is the beginning of a story and
in today's world of selling oneself, or one's company, it's the ability to tell
a story and create a feeling that sells the brand--whether it's a product or a
person.
"The way they
look at me when the question is asked also tells me something about their
likeability. If they act defensive, look uncomfortable, and pause longer than a
few seconds, it tells me they probably take things too literally and are not
broad thinkers. In our business we need broad thinkers."
13. What questions do you have for me?
"I love asking
this question really early in the interview--it shows me whether the candidate
can think quickly on their feet, and also reveals their level of preparation
and strategic thinking.
"I often find
you can learn more about a person based on the questions they ask versus the
answers they give."
14. Tell us about a time when things didn't go the
way you wanted-- like a promotion you wanted and didn't get, or a project that
didn't turn out how you had hoped.
"It's a simple
question that says so much. Candidates may say they understand the importance
of working as a team but that doesn't mean they actually know how to work as a
team. We need self-starters that will view their position as a partnership.
"Answers tend to
fall into three basic categories: 1) blame 2) self-deprecation, or 3)
opportunity for growth.
"Our company
requires focused employees willing to wear many hats and sometimes go above and
beyond the job description, so I want team players with the right attitude and
approach. If the candidate points fingers, blames, goes negative on former
employers, communicates with a sense of entitlement, or speaks in terms of
their role as an individual as opposed to their position as a partnership, he
or she won't do well here.
"But if they
take responsibility and are eager to put what they have learned to work, they
will thrive in our meritocracy.
Mar 5, 2013
17 Ways to Be Happier at Work
It's not
difficult to experience more joy at work. You just need to know the rules.
shimrit/Flickr
A reader recently pointed me to some
"rules for a happier life" that various folks have posted in various
forms. Here's my take on those rules as they apply to the workplace:
1. Don't compare yourself to others.
Everybody, and I mean everybody,
starts out in a different place and is headed on their own journey. You have NO
idea where someone else's journey might lead them, so drawing comparisons is a
complete waste of time.
2. Never obsess over things you
cannot control.
While it's often important to know
about other things--like the economy, the markets that you sell to, the actions
that others might take, your focus should remain on what you actually control,
which is 1) your own thoughts and 2) your own actions.
3. Know and keep your personal
limits and boundaries.
While your job might sometimes seem
like the most important thing in your world, you're killing a part of yourself
if you let work situations push you into places that violate your privacy and
your integrity.
4. Don't over commit yourself or
your team.
It's great to be enthusiastic and
willing to go the "extra mile," but making promises that you (or your
team) can't reasonably keep is simply a way to create failure and
disappointment.
5. Remember you get the same amount
of time every day as everyone else.
You may feel you're short on time
and that you need more of it, but the simple truth is that when the day
started, you got your fair share: 24 hours. Nobody got any more than you did,
so stop complaining.
6. Don't take yourself so seriously;
nobody else does.
The ability to laugh at your foibles
not only makes you happier as a person, it makes you more powerful, more
influential and more attractive to others. If you can't laugh at yourself,
everyone else will be laughing behind your back.
7. Daydream more rather than less.
The idea that daydreaming and
working are mutually exclusive belongs back in the 20th century. It's when you
let your thoughts wander that you're more likely to have the insights that will
make you both unique and more competitive.
8. Don't bother with hate; it's not
worth the effort.
Hate is an emotional parasite that
eats away at your energy and health. If something is wrong with the world and
you can change it, take action. If you can't take action, you're better off to
forgive and forget.
9. Make peace with your past lest it
create your future.
Focusing on past mistakes or wrongs
inflicted on you is exactly like driving a car while looking in the rear view
mirror. You'll keep heading in the same direction until you collide with
something solid.
10. Don't try to "win"
every argument.
Some battles aren't worth fighting,
and many people are easier to handle when they think they've won the argument.
What's important isn't "winning," but what you, and the other people
involved, plan to do next.
11. Remember that nobody is in
charge of your happiness except you.
While some work environments are
inherently difficult, if you're consistentlymiserable it's
your fault. You owe it to yourself and your coworkers to either find a job that
makes you happy or make the best of the job you've got.
12. Smile and laugh more frequently.
Contrary to popular belief, smiling
and laughter are not the RESULT of being happy; they're part of a cycle that
both creates and reinforces happiness. Find reasons to smile. Never, ever
suppress a laugh.
13. Don't waste precious energy on
malice and gossip.
Before you tell a story about
anybody else, or listen to such a story, ask yourself four questions: 1) Is it
true? 2) Is it kind? 3) Is it necessary? and 4) Would I want somebody telling a
similar story about me?
14. Don't worry what others think
about you; it's none of your business.
You can't mind read and you don't
have everyone else wired into a lie detector. Truly, you really have NO IDEA
what anyone is REALLY thinking about you. It's a total waste of time and energy
to try.
15. Remember that however bad (or
good) a situation is, it will inevitably change.
The nature of the physical universe
is change. Nothing remains the same; everything is, as the gurus say,
transitory. Whether you're celebrating or mourning or something in between,
this, too, will pass.
16. Trash everything in your work
area that isn't useful or beautiful.
Think about it: you're going to
spend about a third of your waking adult life at work. Why would you want to
fill your work environment--and that part of your life--with objects that are
useless and ugly?
17. Believe that the best is yet to
come, no matter what.
When my grandmother was widowed in
her 70s, she went back to college, traveled across Europe in youth hostels, and
learned Japanese painting, among many other activities. The last thing she told
me was: "You know, Geoffers, life begins at 90.
Mar 15, 2013
4 Unique Working Styles:
What's Yours?
To get more out of
your team, first figure out how your employees (and you) work best--and then
assign tasks accordingly.
ekai/Flickr
There is nothing more
frustrating than listening to people haggle over different definitions of what
constitutes "work." Catty conversations about who's working harder,
who's working smarter, or who's not working at all are more about judging
others than solving inefficiencies.
I'd like to steer you
away from this all-or-nothing dialogue ("I work all the time and you never
work") to a more robust conversation about what work really is. And, in the process, help you to appreciate not
only your own unique working style, but also the working style of others on
your team.
As my thinking has
developed over the years, and after perusing many, manypersonality tests, I believe that there are four
basic working styles: Doing, Leading, Loving, and Learning.
The best teams have a
balance of all four styles. And the best organizations have many well-balanced
teams who are confident in their working style and understand the necessity of
divergent types or work. So, what's your style?
Doing
Doers execute. They
come alive when tasks are complete, lists are checked, or projects are tackled.
They typically have intense focus and are detailed in their efforts.
Doers are usually so
focused, however, they may forget to look up and communicatewhat they're
doing. Doers also tend to dive into work with little forethought. They believe
that everyone should "Shoot, Fire, Aim" and tend to devalue the
important work of planning.
Leading
Leaders create the
vision and inspire others to believe in it. You can't help but listen to,
admire, and follow the Leaders. Without Leaders, we would be spinning in a
hamster wheel with no real vision.
Leaders can be
detached from others, not completely understanding all that goes into executing their vision. Because
they're out in front, they sometimes forget to check in with the people
following them.
Loving
Lovers are
relationship-builders. Believing that we're stronger together, they thrive in
harmony and work hard to manage relationships and build consensus.
People strong in the
Loving working style are sensitive and empathic. They have an unconscious
finger on the pulse of every other person on the team. If you want to know how
others on your team are really feeling, ask the Lover.
But Lovers can suck
at follow through and more detail-oriented work. Left to their own devices,
they can out-empathize anyone and make people feel great, but not provide
"tangible" work.
Learning
Learners are the
researchers. These engineer types love learning and meticulously understanding
the nuances of a problem.
They are deliberate,
disciplined, and tend to think more strategically than most people.
Without others,
however, Learners wouldn't get much done. In order to execute their best-laid
plans, they need a team ready to act. Their strategy is only as good as the
problems they actually solve--not in theory, but in reality.
Theologian Howard Thurman says,
"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do
it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
So, let's get over
the notion that all work looks one way. It does not. Nor should it. You need
many people doing many things to accomplish many goals.
Everyone has unique
strengths that become super-charged once they're aligned with other people's
strengths. Rather than critique someone who you believe "isn't
working," make sure you're living out your unique contribution in a powerful
and sustainable way. Just do what makes you come alive.
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